Luscious Layers Bakery

2315 N Damen Ave
Chicago, IL 60647
(773) 661-1335

Once upon a time, there were two little girls: LiLy and Molly. Although both liked to bake cupcakes, their styles were very different. LiLy filled her cupcakes with love, sunshine and roses. Molly, a bad seed of a child, filled her cupcakes with chaos, maladies and DickCheneysauce. They both grew up and opened cupcake shops in the Second City of Wind. This is the story of LiLy the Good's cupcake shop - Luscious Layers...

This place is the best cupcake deal in town. $1 for a full sized, real cake (not cupcake cake - REAL cake), specialty cupcake? In Bucktown? What? It's true. Because the sight of myself in only a pair of underwear doesn't already make me cry hard enough, I decided that I should treat myself to some cupcakes. After all, swim suit season is behind us and sweaters are very forgiving. I walked in the front door and...what is this? Is this place a front for the mob? It's empty. There was just some lonely guy, sitting behind a sad looking cupcake display. I had my "mmm hmm" face at the ready. This couldn't possibly be the source of cupcake bliss.

Oh, but it is.

The guy worked the front of the house, while LiLy (or, Ashley) commandeered an army of rainbows and unicorns to make her delectable delights. The cupcake selection changes daily, so check the web site before you come in. I was hoping for Honey or Lavender but I was out of luck. What they DID have was Creme Brule, French Toast, Mojito and something else that escapes me. I tried three of the mini cupcakes (fresh from the cooler display) and was happy enough with how they tasted. I ordered a white with Mojito, Chocolate Cardamom and a white with Raspberry. The nice guy at the counter let me know that the large sized Mojito varied from it's mini doppelganger by virtue of it's creamy middle. Ok. Thanks. Later on.

When I got home, instead of putting the cupcakes in the fridge to keep them cool like they were in the store, I left them on my counter while I flopped on the couch and watched WordGirl. Satisfied with how Becky saved the day and eager NOT to watch that know-it-all Maya (and her beat down twin Miguel), I happened upon the white with Mojito cupcake. STOP THE PRESSES!! These cupcakes should only be eaten at room temperature. What was polite indifference at the store ("Justify my Love," if you will) turned into blind wanton lust at home ("Erotica"). Every part of this cupcake was scrumptious. The white cake was flavorful and cake-y (but light). The frosting was sugary, flakey and creamy (yes, all three at once). And the creamy middle was what those Hostess cupcakes always dreamt of being. Incredible. I fought the urge to devour the cupcake in one bite. I savored the flavor. Eating these cupcakes too quickly should be a crime. Luckily, I have two others.

...and, I lived happily ever after.

Molly's Cupcakes

2536 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60614
(773) 883-7220

Do you believe in fate? In destiny? That, no matter what you do or what choices you make, you're going to wind up at the same spot? I am not speaking of scary horror movies or scarier Gwyneth Paltrow vehicles. No. I speak of something much more sinister: Molly's Cupcakes.

I went here about a year ago. I'd had a tough day and wanted to eat some cupcakes to cheer me up. I bought two. During the walk home, I came across a homeless man who was begging for change or food. I gave him a cupcake. I thought to myself, "I did some good and I still have one left." When I arrived at my building, my doorman told me that he was starving (after I asked him how he was doing). I gave him the second cupcake. I went upstairs to my place and poured myself a vodka. No, I didn't have a cupcake but the vodka did me better than the sugar and I was able to make some days brighter.

Everyone won.

Well, maybe just me. You see, after finally eating one of Molly's cupcakes, I realized I dodged a bullet back then but that all changed today. Much like Alex Luthor trying to reset the multiverse after the Crisis, the universe deemed it so that I should have a cupcake from Molly - and that I should suffer what should have happened back then. Today, at work, there was a multitude of Molly's cupcakes - chocolate, white, red velvet, carrot. They were all adorned with thick icing and pretty sprinkles. I chose a chocolate cupcake with white icing that reminded me of the one I would have had a year ago. Thanks to this cupcake, I received an a$$-whuppin' that was a year in the making. The cupcake was AWFUL. It was, simultaneously greasy and dry, bitter lemony tasting and stale. The cupcake was a paradox. It broke the space-time continuum. The icing was like eating cream cheese from the tub. I had to gulp down hot coffee in order to keep myself from wretching. Not satisfied to just upset my stomach, the evil cupcake deigned to wreck havoc upon my lower intestines.

No good deed goes unpunished and you can't outrun your fate. I received a lesson in existentialism and a case of food poisoning all at the same time. What did I ever do to you, universe?