Sweet Maple Cafe

1339 W Taylor St
Chicago, IL 60607
(312) 243-8908

This place is slap-yo-mama good. Well, I wouldn't actually SLAP my mother (because I enjoy living). But I would slap someone's mama - because the food is so good! The only downside is the wait. Yes, I know the whole "ooh, the food is so good it shouldn't matter if you wait for it" argument. Thing is, when the wait gets so long the people in line start side-eying tables and figuring out which grannie would be the easiest to take out...that's a problem. Either extend the hours, add on or get rid of the small tables and seat everybody country-style (long table, shoulder to shoulder with friends and strangers).

The food: get the pancakes, any beverage with strawberries, biscuits, ham, eggs and bacon. I don't eat bacon and I eat bacon at this place. Get plenty of food or plan on never leaving the table to go to the bathroom. Your table partner WILL steal your food. You'll notice. You'll argue. Your good mood will evaporate. You won't speak to each other for the rest of the day. You'll start to talk about one another. Someone will get his car keyed. Someone's house will get egged. Ex'es will be slept with. Someone will go to jail. Was it worth all that? Order the extra chocolate chip pancakes and save your friendship.

Graham Crackers Comics

2562 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60614
(773) 665-2010

This place is the best. It's a bright, fun comic store that's fun to be in/around. It's a store for comic nerds, but it invites everyone to join in on the fun that is comic books. My only complaint is that they tend to run out of books on new comic day. I don't know if their customer base grows too quickly, but it's a pretty common problem and can be sort of annoying. But what I LOVE about this place is that they love comics. I have gone in there and engaged in long conversations about authors, artists, story lines, comics that rock/suck, are trades killing the industry (yes!), whether Heroes is better than Lost, etc. And the really cool thing is, I have had these conversations with the staff, other customers, the mailman. It's great. Everyone is really friendly. There's no gloom and doom at this place. This is an old school, I-love-comic-books comic book shop. There's always some cartoon playing in the background. It's usually some old-school 1970s or 1980s cartoon I'd forgotten about. Sometimes, I stay in the shop just to watch the cartoon. Their website is really well done. There are a ton of graphics and I enjoy the fact that they list the new comics of the week along with the cover, issue synopsis and, sometimes, review. It makes buying a lot easier. Their selection and catalog are extensive and back-ordering is not a problem. At least, I don't think. I don't back order because I am a nerd who has every issue he needs.

Comic book enthusiasm is the name of this game and I am very pleased to have made this my comic shop.

Chicago Comics

3244 N Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 528-1983

My name is John William and I am a comic book nerd. I always have been. Comic books taught me how to read and have always been a source of my imagination and vocabulary. I take them very seriously. But, at the end of the day, they are comic books. The clerks at Chicago Comics didn't get this memo. The store is dank and depressing. For a comic book store there's...just no JOY in the place, you know?

Yes, the selection is big, current and well stocked. But there's no sense of community. There's no camaraderie. We comic book nerds are an oppressed group. We know public scorn and mocking. Thus, we tend to be a close knit group and we rely on each other when the chips are down. There is, however, another sect of the tribe - The (Simpsons) Comic Book Guy. Largely anti-social and joyless, this sect likes to act 'over' it all - even their fellow tribesmen. And that's not cool. We're adults who read and love comic books. Are you really THAT cool?

When I was a kid, I used to beg my dad to take me to the comic shop. It was such a fun experience. I never get the sense of fun here. And, if comics aren't fun, then what's the point?

Go (only) for the inventory.

The Art of Pizza

3033 N Ashland Ave
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 327-5600

Meh. It's pizza.

I'm not a big fan of deep dish pizza. It reminds me of Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs. And, Pizza the Hut is Teh Nahsty. That being said, I ordered from here because if anything was going to change my mind about Chicago deep dish, it was the Art of Pizza.

My mind? It is unchanged. It was edible but not pleasurable. Just look at the picture: nasty! That is NOT pizza, Chicago!! Some advice: do NOT order a deep dish pizza with sausage, pineapple and something else (peppers?). I let my buddy from Oakland pick the toppings and not only were they nasty (but not Teh Nahsty), but they gave him did-a-dead-cat-crawl-out-of-your-ass? gas. I contemplated kicking him out. Aw man, I am getting a flashback! Ugh. Additional demerits for pain and suffering.

P.S. I was going to post a picture of Pizza the Hut, but even one look at it was too disgusting for me to handle. Do yourself a (dis)favor. Look up Pizza the Hut and the imagine eating it. That's Chicago-style pizza.

Cafe Bionda

1467 N Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 342-2100

As good as the food is here (and it is very good), the acoustics and service ruin the place.

The good: the food is great. The portions are big and the flavors are surprising. I ordered the Orichette and it was perfect. It was just the right amount of hot and flavorful to make every bite "pop." I think everyone else at my table was pleased with their entrees as well.

The bad: the place has bizarre acoustics. I screamed (literally, screamed) the entire evening. As you might know from reading some of my other recaps, I only like to scream when I'm yelling at someone. Screaming at my friends was pretty tiresome. My voice & throat were sore by the end of dinner. I didn't enjoy that very much. But the screaming was nearly as bad as...the service.

Some people need to come with warning labels - "Do not date!", "Watch out - flatulence ahead!", etc. Mine might be "If you screw around, I am not responsible for the crazy you WILL incur!" Obviously, my waiter did not heed the warning. To begin with, he circled the table like dog chasing his tail - a not-so-bright-dog with a short, stubby tail. After circling a few times, I tracked him down, "Hello. I'm John William and these are my friends. I think you're our waiter." "Uh, okay." I twitch. I ask about the specials. "What specials?" I twitch some more. "The specials on the BIG BLACKBOARDS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU!" "Oh, right. I'm new." My hairs stand on end and fire softly erupts from my scalp. "Ok. Well what does the [something Italian] come with?" "Man, huh huh, I really don't know." Instinctively, my friends hide the knives and forks and proceed to order some apps. They come (via the bus boy) and they're awesome. As we're finishing, the waiter saunters back and says "Whoa. You guys ate a lot." Luckily for him, I had my mouth full (and cutlery confiscated by my friends). The night continued on much like that. Good food. Inattentive waiter making inappropriate comments. Frustrated attempts (on my part) to do him bodily harm. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I really enjoyed the food but the noise level and the frustratingly inept server would keep me from coming back.

Sapori Trattoria

2701 N Halsted St
Chicago, IL 60614
(773) 832-9999

This place is almost perfect! I don't know what to write, since I don't have anything snarky to say.

The service is always excellent and accommodating. The atmosphere is comfortable, intimate, yet spacious.

The food! The food is so so good. Grilled calamari, pumpkin/butternut squash ravioli, chicken pesto gnocchi, lobster/seafood risotto, awesome sorbets, limoncello...everything is incredible. I have been here with a large group and I have been on a date. Each time, the food is incredible, the portions are large, (one member of one of my parties is a YOOGE bodybuilder - and he was stuffed), the prices are reasonable and the service is great. One time, I crept into the restaurant dangerously close to closing time. Rather than cussing me out, the hostess invited me in, explained the specials and made sure that I was well taken care of. Who does that? The folks at Sapori do, that's who! I can't say enough good things about this place. Come here! You will be so glad you did and you will keep coming back. In a city as large as Chicago and with as many food options as we have here, I repeatedly come back to Sapori.

Major plus: they offer a coupon that, for $63, gives you bruschetta, choice of salad, choice of pasta entree, dessert AND a bottle of wine. $63. For two people! And all that food. And, if you're really slick, you can tell the waiter you're using the coupon while your lady is powdering her nose. You look like the big hero, she gets great food and your wallet isn't plotting a revolt. Everybody wins.

Mirai

2020 W. Division Street
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 862-8500

Uh-UH!! No way! You thought you'd get away with it, didn't you? You thought I'd forget, didn't you? Nope. You and I have unfinished business, Mirai.

The first time I came here, I was really impressed by the food and low-key service. My friends and I had a great dinner here, followed by some fun drinks at a couple of the neighboring lounges. Great.

Then I came back.

What is it with me and Chicago sushi places? Have they all conspired against me to subject me to shoddy service and questionable food? I need to get to the bottom of this. My friends and I had reservations for a late dinner - 9 pm. We thought making a later reservation would allow us to have easier access to tables, etc. We arrive on time and the hostess informs us that the table isn't ready and that we can wait upstairs. Fine. Thus began the Seinfeld episode.

The upstairs back was jammed packed. There was no where to move, sit, grab a drink, drink a drink, pee, blink, what have you. Five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty....Seeing that I was slowly turning into the Incredible Hulk, my friends tracked down the upstairs host/manager and asked about the wait time. He said, "a couple of minutes." AT 10:45, we were seated. Yes, we should have left. Yes, I should have burned the place down and danced on its smoldering embers. But I was tired and weakened from my hungered state. I wasn't in full form.

We finally get a table and I am starving. The host/manager 'apologizes' for the wait and gives us a piece of edamame to share. Between 5 people. If I had strength, I would have poked him in the Adam's Apple. The wispy waiter comes to take our order. After perusing the menu, I ask him what comes with mayo. I hate mayo. It's disgusting. The idea of putting globby white fat on raw fish turns my stomach. How is this appetizing? It's akin to putting melted swiss cheese on raw fish...and we all know how that story ends. I ask wispy waiter three times about the food choice. Besides myself, another one of my friends hates mayo. We don't want to eat it. We certainly don't want to pay big prices for eating it.

[Sidebar: Santino from Project Runway was there that night and his tendrils of long, greasy hair were alive with power (Newports!) and choking everyone around him. And he had Grinch teeth.]

The food finally comes. And as the last plate is placed in front of us, wispy waiter says "Some of these have mayo in them. Enjoy." With my last bit of strength and with RAW EMOTION, I grabbed on to his shirt before he scampered away. "What did you say?" "What?" "Did you just say there's mayo in this food?" "Yeah." "Man, I asked you THREE times if what we ordered had mayo and, if so, to tell us and we would order something else." "You did?"

I blacked out.

As I came to, the cops had busted in and I was throttling the waiter. Okay, maybe not.

Weakened by hunger and disgust, I implored my friends to get the manager/host. I explain the situation over and over. He begrudgingly apologizes. He says that he'll give us free dessert and comp us 40% of the bill. At this point, I'm, like, "Whatever. At least my friends will get a break." As hungry as I was, I refused to eat. I had my rage to keep me fed. Then the manager comes back and claims that we'd "already gotten a break with the appetizer, so there would be no more comps." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I waited over two hours to eat NOTHING and you're CHARGING ME FOR THIS? Completely unacceptable. Even my laid back friends were annoyed by this turn of events. How does the manager change his mind to the detriment of his customers AFTER telling them that he'd handle the situation?

Not impressed. At all. Mirai can choke on one of Santino's grease braids.