
2536 N Clark St
Chicago, IL 60614
(773) 883-7220
Do you believe in fate? In destiny? That, no matter what you do or what choices you make, you're going to wind up at the same spot? I am not speaking of scary horror movies or scarier Gwyneth Paltrow vehicles. No. I speak of something much more sinister: Molly's Cupcakes.
I went here about a year ago. I'd had a tough day and wanted to eat some cupcakes to cheer me up. I bought two. During the walk home, I came across a homeless man who was begging for change or food. I gave him a cupcake. I thought to myself, "I did some good and I still have one left." When I arrived at my building, my doorman told me that he was starving (after I asked him how he was doing). I gave him the second cupcake. I went upstairs to my place and poured myself a vodka. No, I didn't have a cupcake but the vodka did me better than the sugar and I was able to make some days brighter.
Everyone won.
Well, maybe just me. You see, after finally eating one of Molly's cupcakes, I realized I dodged a bullet back then but that all changed today. Much like Alex Luthor trying to reset the multiverse after the Crisis, the universe deemed it so that I should have a cupcake from Molly - and that I should suffer what should have happened back then. Today, at work, there was a multitude of Molly's cupcakes - chocolate, white, red velvet, carrot. They were all adorned with thick icing and pretty sprinkles. I chose a chocolate cupcake with white icing that reminded me of the one I would have had a year ago. Thanks to this cupcake, I received an a$$-whuppin' that was a year in the making. The cupcake was AWFUL. It was, simultaneously greasy and dry, bitter lemony tasting and stale. The cupcake was a paradox. It broke the space-time continuum. The icing was like eating cream cheese from the tub. I had to gulp down hot coffee in order to keep myself from wretching. Not satisfied to just upset my stomach, the evil cupcake deigned to wreck havoc upon my lower intestines.
No good deed goes unpunished and you can't outrun your fate. I received a lesson in existentialism and a case of food poisoning all at the same time. What did I ever do to you, universe?
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