Lao ShangHai Restaurant

2163 S China Pl
Chicago, IL 60616
(312) 808-0830

*Channels 1990 Julia Roberts - post-skank, newly 'prettied' in a snooty Rodeo Drive boutique*

Big-a$$ Hat? Check.

Jewelry? Check.

Pretty pretty princess dress? Check.

"Hi. You're the manager around here, right? You work off [reviews], don't you? [points to below recap] Big Mistake! HUGE!!"

I set up a reservation for 13 hungry Chicagoans to dine at Lao Shanghai as the restaurant of choice during the Chinatown neighborhood tour. I spoke with the manager, confirmed my party's number, time of arrival, preference of table and tastes. From scouting the location, I knew that the restaurant valued the positive reviews from diners.

Excited from reading the reviews, I was set for great food and an exciting recap set to the tune of "Boom Boom Pow." (It was going to start "I ate some Bomb Kung Pow, I said, "It tastes like 'Wow!'" Tragic, the loss.) Such a recap was never to occur. After a morning of snafus, crowded plazas and a foretold fate of marrying a mean, nagging woman, I (and the rest of the tourists) showed up at 2:28 pm for our 2:30 pm reservation. My friend, Awesome Alice, took the point while I held the door for the others. She spoke to the manager, furrowed her brow and called me in. The manager had given away our table not ten minutes before. Listen to me: THE MANAGER GAVE AWAY OUR TABLE BEFORE OUR RESERVATION. Un.Acceptable.

I tried to stay calm. I asked him when ("Uh, just a second ago."). I asked him why ("Uh, I don't know."). I asked him what (now) ("Wait for another table."). I asked him where ("At these tables." "YOU MEAN THE TABLES WITH PEOPLE JUST STARTING THEIR MEALS??!!"). By the time I got to "how", I had to leave. I was going to hurt him. I had 13 hot and hungry people I had led to Chinatown and promised a great meal. That wasn't going to happen through no fault of my own - but from the willful unprofessionalism of Lao Shanghai's management.

As we walked the green mile to Happy Chef, I looked back at the front window. It was full of positive reviews. After our group's piss poor treatment at the restaurant, I wonder where those reviews came from and if those reviewers had had reservations. You like reviews, Lao Shanghai? I got your review right here!