Cafe Bionda

1467 N Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 342-2100

As good as the food is here (and it is very good), the acoustics and service ruin the place.

The good: the food is great. The portions are big and the flavors are surprising. I ordered the Orichette and it was perfect. It was just the right amount of hot and flavorful to make every bite "pop." I think everyone else at my table was pleased with their entrees as well.

The bad: the place has bizarre acoustics. I screamed (literally, screamed) the entire evening. As you might know from reading some of my other recaps, I only like to scream when I'm yelling at someone. Screaming at my friends was pretty tiresome. My voice & throat were sore by the end of dinner. I didn't enjoy that very much. But the screaming was nearly as bad as...the service.

Some people need to come with warning labels - "Do not date!", "Watch out - flatulence ahead!", etc. Mine might be "If you screw around, I am not responsible for the crazy you WILL incur!" Obviously, my waiter did not heed the warning. To begin with, he circled the table like dog chasing his tail - a not-so-bright-dog with a short, stubby tail. After circling a few times, I tracked him down, "Hello. I'm John William and these are my friends. I think you're our waiter." "Uh, okay." I twitch. I ask about the specials. "What specials?" I twitch some more. "The specials on the BIG BLACKBOARDS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU!" "Oh, right. I'm new." My hairs stand on end and fire softly erupts from my scalp. "Ok. Well what does the [something Italian] come with?" "Man, huh huh, I really don't know." Instinctively, my friends hide the knives and forks and proceed to order some apps. They come (via the bus boy) and they're awesome. As we're finishing, the waiter saunters back and says "Whoa. You guys ate a lot." Luckily for him, I had my mouth full (and cutlery confiscated by my friends). The night continued on much like that. Good food. Inattentive waiter making inappropriate comments. Frustrated attempts (on my part) to do him bodily harm. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I really enjoyed the food but the noise level and the frustratingly inept server would keep me from coming back.