Habana Libre

1440 W Chicago Ave
Chicago, IL 60686
(312) 243-3303

I wrestled with writing this. But...it just wasn't good. It was a pretty day in West Town (yes, West Town NOT Noble Square. And, by the way, it's Uptown NOT Buena Park and Humboldt Park NOT West Bucktown) and the livin' was easy. I met my friend and we were in the mood for some great Cuban eats. We walked in and smelled amazing food. Spices, meat and veggies all added together to make an intoxicating blend of heavenly aromas. Upon reflection, I wonder if the smells came from an aerosol can. Bamboozled, I was!

Since we were having lunch, I decided upon a sandwich. I used to live in Orlando and, thanks to its Cuban community, became fond of the Cuban sandwich. "I'll get that," I thought to myself. It's gotta be good - after all, it's advertised all over the restaurant (banners reading "Pan Cubano" grace the walls). I ordered it and...they were out of it. Huh? You're out of ham, mustard, pickles, bread, cheese and roast pork? What? How is that even possible? It's the trademark sandwich. Trying to be kind, the waitress told me I could order a jibarito. Thing is, if I wanted a jibarito, I would be at Boriquen. I wanted a Cuban sandwich, ergo, I am at Habana Libre! Seeing that I wasn't biting at the jibarito suggestion, she suggested I order a hot pork dish. Jigga what? Rather than asking how and why I should order a hot pork dish when I can't order a hot (pressed) pork sandwich, I decided to chill out and order the chicken steak sandwich. Eh. Tasted like Chicken. Thing is, I didn't take three buses to travel from Lakeview to West Town to eat a &^%*&() chicken sandwich!

Trying to end the meal on an up note, I ordered a milkshake for dessert. I figured, if it worked for Daniel Day-Lewis, I, too, would DRINK YO MILKSHAKE and all would be well. Well, Danny didn't drink THIS milkshake. Like I said, I used to live in Florida and know that Cuban milkshakes tend to be sweeter than your standard US milkshakes. That's why I like them. They way I have had them, they were served deep-freeze cold and the fruit flavor really popped. I'd only glanced at the options earlier in the meal but the waitress told me that there were only Banana, Papaya and Mango. I could have sworn Coconut and/or Chocolate were options as well. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they were out. I ordered a Banana Mango shake and thought all was well. I got a glass of yellow milkwater and a straw. Where was the super cold super sweet treat I remember from Florida? This was so nasty. My stomach curdled as I swigged the lukewarm milk. There were no fruit chunks, no explosion of flavor...only threats from my stomach to make me pay for my folly. By this time, my face couldn't hide my disgust...but I had to keep pretending like I was drinking because the waitress was giving me a serious side eye. I felt like Craig in the Malcolm in the Middle episode where he is being 'helped' by an evil monkey and the monkey put poison in the milkshake he made for Craig. The monkey watched as Craig 'drank' it. That was me! I was Craig and the waitress...well, it's not nice to call someone an evil monkey so I won't...but she was watching. I asked for a to-go cup. I felt guilty throwing the 'milkshake' (if that's what it was; no boys would be coming to the yard for that) away so I decided to freeze it. Three hours later, it is finally solidifying in my freezer. I don't know what that liquid is/was.

The whole meal ranged from disappointing to nasty. The only saving grace was I had view of the CUTEST baby who smiled, giggled and drooled at me throughout the meal. My clock is TICKING! I need some babies! Um, that's another review. In any case, that sweet baby was the only thing that saved Habana Libre from some serious isht going down. He was so cute!!