Lockwood

17 E Monroe St
Chicago, IL 60603
(312) 726-7500

So this is the "flossy, flossy" of which Fergie purrs. Interesting.

I came here for the soft opening (you already know the kid isn't plonking down this kind of money; I'm...frugal) and wasn't sure what to expect. I knew the Palmer House was a really ritzy place, so I figured that it's signature restaurant would be ritzy as well. I also expected it to be stuffy and boring - but I was wrong.

[waiting for shock to pass....aaand, continue]

I stepped in and was immediately impressed by the layout. It's purty! The bar (with cool seating) is to the sharp right and to the right and left are small tables and booths. On the other side of the dividing wall are more small tables and booths on either side of the aisle. The wait staff all seemed professional but I don't know how happy they were to be there that night. My friends and I are in our early 30s. We dress nicely, chew with our mouths closed and only cuss every OTHER word. We're refined. This evening, however, the wait staff avoided us on every turn. You see, at these soft openings, the wait staff mingle about the customers and offer them food and drink. Some see this as an elegant dance. I see it as a video game: Asteroid, Space Invaders, Frogger...something like that. The goal is to hit up as many servers as possible within a set amount of time. But, since I am klassy, I don't chase them down. I just 'happen' to always be where they are. Not these servers; they were not having it. I moved to the left, so did they. I faked right, they went backwards. I was working up a sweat just trying to get my free food on (spare me the indignation: you know you do it too). I can't help it. I'm skinny. I need nourishment.

Amused by watching me Step (in the Name of Food), one server stood out from the rest and kept me hooked up. Musharruf Shah - you are a gentleman and a scholar! If you're dining at Lockwood, ask for Musharruf and tip him well!!

As I proceeded to eat, drink and be merry, I noticed that money makes things taste better. For example: one of the selections was a quail egg. Yes, a quail's egg yolk sitting in it's embryonic fluid in a half shell. Tipsy from champagne as I was, I was not about to slurp down a salmonella surprise. Musharruf sensed my disgust and replied, "It has truffle oil in it." The correct response to this is, "So? That is still nasty." The +money response is, "Truffle oil? Let me at it!!" I respectively declined the offer just in time to get out of the way as people of all ages and backgrounds leapt at the not-quite-a-bird. Gross. But I had plenty of other food to keep me happy. Everything was delicious but my favorite was the crab cake. Delectable.

Since this was the soft open, the chef came out of the kitchen, made a speech and mingled. As I started to approach him to congratulate him on his food, I spied with my eagle eye some servers laying out desserts in the back room. Compliments...chocolate...like I even weighed it. I RAN to the back and saw desserts of all sorts: Palmer House brownie, creme brulee, lemon bar, chocolate mousse thingie, something apple...I don't know. I just remember coming to at my table with a tray of desserts. They weren't all for me (in theory); I let my friends have some (one. To split).

As a paying customer, I don't know how I'd feel about this place. As a soft open invitee, I was GREATLY impressed.