Silver Seafood

4829 N Broadway St
Chicago, IL 60640
(773) 784-0668

Here's a tip: the place is called Silver SEAfood, not Golden Beef or Diamond Chicken. The restaurant is telling you - up front and without hesitation - that you come here to eat the stuff that grows and lives in water. If you opt for something else, don't be upset that your meal wasn't all that. Likewise, I never understood folks who ordered - and complained about - chicken at Long John Silver's. With that said...

I came here on a mission. I was tired, cranky, hungry and wanted some good Chinese food. I wasn't about to drive all the way to Chinatown, so I decided to investigate Silver Seafood. I perused the seafood menu from their web site and picked out a couple of options. Then, I called and asked which of my options did the worker like. "Clams in Black Bean Sauce." You're on. I ordered. Ten minutes. Jumped in the car and drove to Uptown.

I was nervous to park in the lot. I have heard horror story after horror story about people getting towed. Park in the lot and go across the street? Tow. Park in the lot and stroll down the block? Tow. Park in the lot and go to a restaurant in the strip mall? Tow. I wasn't about to go out like that. So, I parked in the lot, exchanged side/evil eyes with the lot snitch and rounded the corner to go into Silver Seafood. To my surprise, there was a party going on, complete with a magic show (I think it was that guy from Saved by the Bell). No one was working the front counter. I looked around the dining room and didn't see any wait staff. I was starting to get nervous. The lot attendant looked like he didn't play. In fact, he walked in front of Silver Seafood, stared me in the eye, held up a cell phone and smirked. Oh, hay-ell naw! I looked again for wait staff. Nothing. I was quickly turning into DMX and my mind was about to be lost up in there, up in there.

A lightbulb went off and I called the restaurant. It rang six times before someone ambled to the front counter. She answered and I walked in to get my order. She seemed annoyed but, not only was my food getting cold, I had a car to save. And I let her know that if it was towed -- "Your car won't be towed! Now, here's your food!" Um, ok.

I grumbled all the way to my car (not towed; the attendant was clearly disappointed) and home. "I KNOW she didn't talk to me that way! I don't even WANT this food anymore! This BETTER be good. Blahblahblah." But, I was hungry and it smelled pretty good AND the dish had been recommended. I opened the bag, spooned out some rice and prepared to eat just a few clams. "Mmm. That's pretty good." Chomp chomp. "Mmm. Maybe I'll just have a few more." Chomp chomp. "Ooh, yeah. That's gooooood." Before I knew it, I was sucking on clam shells, had black bean sauce in my hair, was breathing heavily and, somehow, was wearing only a tank top and jams.

I didn't know what happened. I was confused and didn't know where I was. I felt used, dirty and cheap. But...I wasn't hungry, the food knocked the cranky right out of me and there was no awkward good-bye. Not a bad first date.